I dated this guy once, he's not the nicest, definitely not everyone's favorite.. but he was, to me..
My best friends was against me dating him--because of valid reason--he had some bad reputation when it comes to his relationship with girls. I didn't mind with that, I thought maybe people misunderstood him--like he always told me, maybe he's not as bad as what people say about him. We don't know, I choose to trust him and he told me it was ok to trust him.
We had lot of fun together, we held hands, we were out and about, supporting on each others' back, i knew his parents and he knew mine--he even got close to my little brother. We were so close that I forgot about everything that people said about him.
I was truly in love with him without me knowing it, and I had never had such feelings before... it made me think about our futures, maybe we could be doing this forever.....?
I was being clingy to him because I loved him so much that I wanted to be with him if I could-- but I had never forbid him doing everything he did. I was ok with him being close to all of his friends--including his ex'es and his girls friends, I gave him everything I had, I let him explore my world and soon he became my world..
Little did I know, it was a wrong move...
Soon he pushed me away saying I was "too much" for him, my attentions and affections became a burden to him, he didn't like me being clingy, I guess he had just, you know, done with me. He was tired of me, I'm a boring person so I know better maybe he just... doesn't like me anymore.
I was just loving him like I always did... and I wonder why did it suddenly become something bad. He was blaming me for everything that was happening to us. We didn't even fight that much, but that night, he made us fight. I did apologize countless times and I was willing to change myself if it makes everything better, I did everything that I could to make him stay, but guess I couldn't save us, I couldn't save our relationship... he wanted to leave... he was already on the doorstep that night..
I had hard times, I couldn't even eat properly and I was blaming myself a lot. I thought I wasn't enough for him... for him to stay. I was never enough for him. I was never someone that he needed.
Soon my friends found out that the night we broke up, he was out and about with another girl. Didn't it make your heart ache? Yes. It did. Then I told him about what I heard, he denied it telling me that she was helping his injured arm.... I didn't understand, why didn't he tell me he was injured? Why did 'she' save him... while his friends could? While I could..
And soon I found out that they have been "dm"-ing for some quiet of times before we broke up. I'm not sure that he knows that I knew about it, but, I knew. Maybe that was the reasons why he deleted all of my pictures on his instagram weeks before we broke up.. he was just getting tired of me.
I miss him in so many times, I long for him.... he's long gone before I knew it. And now I don't have him anymore.
I did ask him to leave if he didn't want to stay, and he really did leave... without a trace. He made me believe in love and he made me hate it. He made me resent it.
He didn't really care about me that much, anyway. It was all about him all the time and sometime I wish he'd realize that I always fought for him in any way.... but does realizing it could make him... stay?
No.
Anyway, now everything is fine. Me missing him, kinda have this ugly feeling left, but it's ok. It'll fade away soon, ya? He already left anyway. He may be dating another girl right now and... I don't want to know about it. I've had enough. Maybe if by any chance he reads this someday.....
Just so you know my feelings for you wasn't a joke. Even maybe yours to me was. I was deeply hurt when you told me I hurt you, when you told me I was being too much and my attention burden you, when you told me she was helping you while I could, when I was mad when you didn't even tell me you presented our project alone (really tho, I want to apologize because IT WASNT ME texting you all angry and mad when I complained to you. I would never ever be mad at you... my friend text you for me because I was deadass crying), I was deeply hurt when I sent you the long text saying I still have feelings for you and you make it difficult to me, when you told me you're ready to leave me and completely disappear from my life.. you were being too much, Heaven. I had never asked you anything, but once I did you tell me to fuck off? I wonder how'd you feel when you confess to someone you really love, tell them to leave or to stay, and they'd reply "did I ever tell you to stay anyway? I will leave, from your life if it's not enough.". It hurts me more than everything in this life could ever, heaven. I didn't blame you tho. Maybe you just simply hate me. When I did apologize for confessing, you didn't even forgive me....
I... i don't know anymore, heaven. You run my scars deeper.
Hope you know it... you're not only shutting my door, you did slam it and kicked it countless times.
I don't know, if i our path will cross each others' like it did back then someday, or maybe we'd be just.. you know.. stranger with memories, either way, I hope we'll be happy. Either it'll be happy on our own way or being together, it's just... I hope we're happy...
it was happy, and painful to meet you.
My best friends was against me dating him--because of valid reason--he had some bad reputation when it comes to his relationship with girls. I didn't mind with that, I thought maybe people misunderstood him--like he always told me, maybe he's not as bad as what people say about him. We don't know, I choose to trust him and he told me it was ok to trust him.
We had lot of fun together, we held hands, we were out and about, supporting on each others' back, i knew his parents and he knew mine--he even got close to my little brother. We were so close that I forgot about everything that people said about him.
I was truly in love with him without me knowing it, and I had never had such feelings before... it made me think about our futures, maybe we could be doing this forever.....?
I was being clingy to him because I loved him so much that I wanted to be with him if I could-- but I had never forbid him doing everything he did. I was ok with him being close to all of his friends--including his ex'es and his girls friends, I gave him everything I had, I let him explore my world and soon he became my world..
Little did I know, it was a wrong move...
Soon he pushed me away saying I was "too much" for him, my attentions and affections became a burden to him, he didn't like me being clingy, I guess he had just, you know, done with me. He was tired of me, I'm a boring person so I know better maybe he just... doesn't like me anymore.
I was just loving him like I always did... and I wonder why did it suddenly become something bad. He was blaming me for everything that was happening to us. We didn't even fight that much, but that night, he made us fight. I did apologize countless times and I was willing to change myself if it makes everything better, I did everything that I could to make him stay, but guess I couldn't save us, I couldn't save our relationship... he wanted to leave... he was already on the doorstep that night..
I had hard times, I couldn't even eat properly and I was blaming myself a lot. I thought I wasn't enough for him... for him to stay. I was never enough for him. I was never someone that he needed.
Soon my friends found out that the night we broke up, he was out and about with another girl. Didn't it make your heart ache? Yes. It did. Then I told him about what I heard, he denied it telling me that she was helping his injured arm.... I didn't understand, why didn't he tell me he was injured? Why did 'she' save him... while his friends could? While I could..
And soon I found out that they have been "dm"-ing for some quiet of times before we broke up. I'm not sure that he knows that I knew about it, but, I knew. Maybe that was the reasons why he deleted all of my pictures on his instagram weeks before we broke up.. he was just getting tired of me.
I miss him in so many times, I long for him.... he's long gone before I knew it. And now I don't have him anymore.
I did ask him to leave if he didn't want to stay, and he really did leave... without a trace. He made me believe in love and he made me hate it. He made me resent it.
He didn't really care about me that much, anyway. It was all about him all the time and sometime I wish he'd realize that I always fought for him in any way.... but does realizing it could make him... stay?
No.
Anyway, now everything is fine. Me missing him, kinda have this ugly feeling left, but it's ok. It'll fade away soon, ya? He already left anyway. He may be dating another girl right now and... I don't want to know about it. I've had enough. Maybe if by any chance he reads this someday.....
Just so you know my feelings for you wasn't a joke. Even maybe yours to me was. I was deeply hurt when you told me I hurt you, when you told me I was being too much and my attention burden you, when you told me she was helping you while I could, when I was mad when you didn't even tell me you presented our project alone (really tho, I want to apologize because IT WASNT ME texting you all angry and mad when I complained to you. I would never ever be mad at you... my friend text you for me because I was deadass crying), I was deeply hurt when I sent you the long text saying I still have feelings for you and you make it difficult to me, when you told me you're ready to leave me and completely disappear from my life.. you were being too much, Heaven. I had never asked you anything, but once I did you tell me to fuck off? I wonder how'd you feel when you confess to someone you really love, tell them to leave or to stay, and they'd reply "did I ever tell you to stay anyway? I will leave, from your life if it's not enough.". It hurts me more than everything in this life could ever, heaven. I didn't blame you tho. Maybe you just simply hate me. When I did apologize for confessing, you didn't even forgive me....
I... i don't know anymore, heaven. You run my scars deeper.
Hope you know it... you're not only shutting my door, you did slam it and kicked it countless times.
I don't know, if i our path will cross each others' like it did back then someday, or maybe we'd be just.. you know.. stranger with memories, either way, I hope we'll be happy. Either it'll be happy on our own way or being together, it's just... I hope we're happy...
it was happy, and painful to meet you.
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