WEIIIRD

so my english lecturer told us that if you write a lot, that's good. So guess i'm going to try a bit of it?

I dated twice when i was in SMP (junior high school), and have never been dating since (lol yes, it's been more than 5 years). So how could i do that? 

I think i reached my puberty when i was still in smp, i had crushes and i did things i wouldnt do right now. Stupid things. In high school, i had a crush but unfortunately it wasnt going well, couldnt even start, and since i dont have any.....  oh anyway, aND THIS BLOG AND MY OTHER BLOG ARE CRINGEY AND ALAY. WHY. I CANT TAKE THIS. I WANT TO DELETE THAESE BLOGS BUT WHERE'S THE FUN IN IT SO BARE WITH ME OKAY GUYS A LITTLE BIT ALAY WONT HURT. AND OH THE GRAMMAR HURTS!!! IM NO EXPERT, STILL BAD AT IT, BUT BRUH IT WAS A MESS

Okay let's back at it again. I dont know want to memorize these things but since im practising myself to write, let's give it a shot:

My first boyfriend: (cringey i know, bare with me guys)

Let's call him D? Lol. This guy is a good-looking guy and is a funny guy, i really liked him back then, and i think if i were see him a lot right now, i'd probably fall for him again (sounds romantic to you? But it sounds pathetic to me) lmao if anyone has ever felt something called 'first love', i think mine was him. 

I am not sure how, it was in Dufan, December 2011? Lol, somehow he asked me to date him. It was kind of surprising, and i was very happy. For i am not a pretty girl, i am now wondering why did he ask me to date him? I am not even sure if he really did like me. I just wish he did. 

Like all of the kids that age, we date like a weirdo. We'd text for some times? I was a passive kind of girl, so i wouldnt start to text him--thought that if i did, it might disturb him. So i waited for his texts all day long. A simple hi could make me smile ear to ear. I remember that we texted a lot when it was my birthday! Lol i was very happy when he sent me emoticon such as <3 (etc, blackberry thingy). He sent me a latter saying he loved me with all his heart the day after valentine? Lol, and we've never talked a lot face to face, it was always his friends and my friends pushing us together to talk. (I am thankful to my friends for that<3)

But the thing is, there were a lot of girls that went wild for him--for one time, some girls threaten me to get away from him and telling me not to act like a good girl? Lol that was funny, because we hadnt even dated that time. And when we date, one of my friend had a big crush toward him. 

It didnt bother me, but what bother me was that she is waay prettier than me that D might be choosing her over me? And he didnt even text me anymore so we were kind of distant. 

Long story short, he broke me up with stupid reasons like to focus on his study? Like i didnt even bother him, we didnt even text that much, why would he lost his focus because of me? Lmao, anyway it was only a made up reasons, we were just a kid anyway. 

And months after that, he dated that friend. Well it was when my feeling toward him faded away a bit. He seemed to like her a lot? 

But then they broke up and i was still had a feeling toward him. I sometimes stared at him and he caught me staring at him, for some quiet of time. Until someone told me that he told his friend that he doesnt like me, he doesnt like girls that act like an angel (im not sure why he said so?? I've never considered myself as an angel lmao why would i), and that i am not pretty (by saying that i have acnes and blemishes on my face??). It was when i lost all of my feelings toward him. Like, men, i didnt even beg you to get back together with me? Stop bragging. But you're still cute so i spare your life a bit. Anyway, i wonder what he thinks about me right now? He might be forgotten about all of these things, but it still fresh like yesterday in my head 

Second boyfriend:

R? Yes mr. R. I liked him loong after i broke up with d. It took me a very long time to get rid of D (but first love still stay, fuck it), and somehow i found my way to have a crush at this guy. He's funny, and we talked a lot, that's why i liked him. 

So one day he dmed me on twitter and i was like 'y'all he dmed me!!' Lol, but he asked me if i have my junior's id (apparently he had a crush on my junior) so it was weird and i was like 'oh dammit wrong alarm'. My crush toward him wasnt that deep, tho. But anyway i dont know why but the tale about me having crush to him is delivered well to him, i guess he knew that i liked him so he started to text me? On skype. Or was i the first one? I cant remember it well. He is my 'oomf' lmao. I gave him LOT of signs on twitter, saying he is my oomf. Soon he knew it was him LMAO i feel like i was a very dumb and innocent girl, what did i do-"- anyway i was very happy so it's fine. Better than being this numb lol. 

Back to it,

We chatted a lot, i felt so damn happy that time, i had good times that i've never had with D. We shared stories, jokes, until we got nothing left to talk about and only exchanging emoticons. And now i am not really sure, did he really like me because he did or he did because i liked him? Or what if he didnt even like me? wEIRD. Anyway.

One day he told me that he liked me, i was like 'yes me too you already know it bruh' and he asked me to date him and i was like 'oh yea cool of course' 

And we dated! We even said 'ly' at night before we sleep (sounds like something ive never wanted to do-"- lol), i was happy, it was enough for me. 

I went to school by foot everyday, and one day, he took me right in front of my house to our school, we were walking together... like, it was such a good memory to me. I liked his smell, i dont know if he put it a lot just in case that day but i could smell his perfume just well, we werent even that close, or even did we holding hands lmao. It was only a simple walk. 

Anyway things happen, i was being a sensitive woman (i would never act that way again lmao why did i do that), so i smelled something fishy and he was kinda distant, i think there was nothing fishy at all but it was just.... i was kind of sensitive._. And his replies toward my sentiments were weird so somehow after we fought to be together, we broke up.

There is nothing traumatizing there but after my relationship with him, i've never been dating anymore... i wonder how it feels like to date someone and to smile from ear to ear because of that person. It's just... somehow i feel numb, and no one's really likes me so it's very difficult. Im not even craving to date anymore because it's been very long time and i dont care anymore. I only care about my own careers. I wish i have someone to care about other than my careeer. Anywayyy! I wish they see this texts and text me and we get back together and live happily ever after:))))))))) LOL